I Want Threesome
by sapphire99
Summary: James, Sirius, and Remus together inside the boy's bathroom. What could they be possibly doing there? Only Lily had to know.


(I DON"T OWN HP. I DON'T OWN THE MARAUDERS. THEY ALL BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNER.) 

Lily Evans was passing thru the hall way when she overheard some people inside the boy's lavatory. She knew it wasn't right to listen but she became concerned when a familiar voice was audible.

"I can't do this anymore, Padfoot." It was definitely James Potter, the boy whom Lily had been dating since they've been known to each other. Nothing was more suspicious than the almost breathless voice of James and whatever they were doing in the lavatory right after dinner?

"It's alright, Prongs. After all, wasn't it you who dragged me all the way here? See, we even had Moony here to help us."

WHAT? That almost freaked the hell out of Ms. Evans. She almost dropped her things but grabbed tightly. It must be a boy's thing. She regained her composure and pressed her ear on the door. To her, it didn't matter what the others would think - all she wanted to know was what James was doing.

"How long is it going to be? I'm really exhausted, Moony." She heard James's voice again. He really sounded tired. Whatever it was, she was ready to burst in and see for herself.

"Sorry James, since for the past minutes you weren't willing to do it, now it would take at least an hour. Not to mention the method we're going to make use of."

"Can't we do this in the boys' dorm?" James questioned. Lily's suspicion grew.

"If you want to wake someone else up, that's just fine." That was probably Sirius with that playful yet strong tone. "Come on James. Don't be a coward. Let's do this."

What the hell was that about? Lily was beginning to think the boy she's fallen in love with was gay. But she had to listen more to it and verify her thoughts. James wouldn't have courted her in the first place if he was indeed interested in the same sex.

"I'm nervous, what if -"

"Shh... James, someone might hear you."

"Shall we proceed then?"

"I can't just do this. I think it'll hurt."

Lily was on the verge of having a mental breakdown. 'James is not gay... he is not.' She had to convince herself.

"That's why I brought this." Remus's voice had always been the most feminine but this time, as Lily had perceived, it sounded like Sirius's.

"Oil?" James spoke once again with a worried tone.

"Call it a friction-reducing substance..." Remus explained which only made it worse for the girl outside the lavatory.

"It's lubricant, for goddam's sake! Now let's get in on, Prongs. It's getting steamy in here."

What? No! No! Lily by now would have needed a mental institution assistance.

"Take off your shirt, Padfoot." Remus said, more like a command for the dog.

"Yeah, sure, Moony. My sweat could've filled a tank." Then a small laughter was heard. "Are you ready, James?"

"Oh why did I even agree on this?" James complained. Then with a sigh, he said, "I'm prepared, just don't make it painful."

Lily had to cover her mouth on this to prevent her high-pitched scream.

"Let's first apply the oil, okay?"

"Sure."

"Okay, now let me position myself so that when I insert my finger, I can easily move around."

"I guess the toy isn't ready for use, Padfoot." Lupin was overheard again and Lily almost fainted. "We should modify it."

"You mean you made me try this thing without ensuring my safety?!" James was getting hysterical by the moment.

"James, it's just a goddam toy! It won't kill. Now come on, I'm going to intrude and when I do, move your fingers and let the lubricant work inside and pull your finger out. Then it would be easy to remove the other finger. You get it, right?" Sirius tried to explain.

"It's alright, Prongs. I've been through hell too. That Sirius is really a bastard, you see." Remus patted James's back then Prongs swallowed.

"Shall we?"

Lily's eyes were watery already. She was now confused if Remus and Sirius were playing with him. Was it some sort of initiation in their brotherhood or what? No sooner did she hear the boys inside. This time their voices were more aggressive.

"Ahh!" James moaned.

"Hey, don't move too much! I... can't..." Sirius shared the same tone of voice with James. The same slow-paced pants. "Moony, give me a hand here."

"Okay, okay."

"Ah! I can't take this anymore." Lily stood up and regained her self. She was about to open the door when she began to hear the boys moan. "What?!" She halted. Perhaps she did because she didn't know how to react and how the boys would react.

The boys' moans were now more aggressive and she could her them clearly. And soon it ceased, and she heard James saying, "Oh, thank God it's finally over! My back aches, Padfoot."

"Oh really? Looks like we'll all drop dead later. My fingers are wet!"

Then she heard them laugh. And that urged her to open the door. Probably they're all dressed up by now. To her, right now, it didn't matter what they would say.

She turned the knob of the door which the boys forgot to lock.

"Lily," Sirius greeted as he rose from his position.

The scenario she saw was confusing to her. Remus was kneeling behind James, whose legs were spread wide. They were dressed up, but what the hell was that?

Remus stood up and James followed, holding an approximately twelve-inch pipe. But the pipe he held was colorful and wasn't something that was used in the bathroom pipes or any such. Lily also observed that it was flexible and elastic, as James waved it at her as he approached.

"Lily!" James grinned.

"What were the three of you doing here?" Lily questioned, her eyes scanning the place and eyed the oil as soon as she spotted it.

"You see this?" James once again waved the "pipe" in front of Lily.

"Oh my God, James!" Lily covered her mouth. Now her suspicion deepened.

"We call it, the 'Totem Duct'. We prepared that for Snivellus." Remus smiled, sensing the suspicion that Lily had.

"What does that do?" Lily wanted to be as calm as possible.

"You see, when you insert a finger in one end, and by some stupid reasons you insert another on the other end, those fingers will be stuck there." Sirius grinned, as he received the same sense Remus got from Lily.

"Wh-what?" Lily still wasn't convinced.

"We were just trying to remove it from James's fingers. You know, we always find and antidote for our paraphernalia before we use on someone else." Remus picked up a book on the floor and brushed off some dust away.

Lily was definitely speechless. And Sirius felt like he had to say something.

"Lily, even if you ask me to, I would never touch him," Sirius walked past James and patted him on the head.

"Touch me? Lily, I'm not what you think I am. Oh," James sighed, finally understanding the situation. "Come on, Moony, let's take a rest first." James started for the door.

Remus nodded and followed the two.

"Oh James, you sure make me worry at times." Lily walked out of the lavatory and headed to the library.

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"Touch me? Sirius, you wouldn't, right?" James chuckled as the three walked on the hallway.

"Yeah, no way on earth," Sirius smirked. "Not at all, unless Remus will join us."

"Cut it, Sirius." Remus opened the book in his hand while James only smiled.

"I'm serious."

A/N: Please leave a review or comment. Thank you!


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